How Children Raise Parents

How Children Raise ParentsRaising kids is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve had to do some difficult things so far in my life and I continue facing various challenges along the way. Raising kids tops the list of most challenging. I’ve been in the business for 15.5 years now. Enough I’d say to have gained some insight. Yet, there are still days when I feel at a loss, clueless, and frustrated with my inability to finally wrap my mind around it and figure out the perfect way to raise ‘em right! Regardless, at the end of every day I am thankful for them as they are and for the opportunity to love them and, with what I have, shape and guide them.

Today, as I was reminding them of some ground rules around iPhone use, it got me thinking about a book I read a while back. It stood out to me back then because of its title, How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family.

Dan Allender is one of my favourite authors. Every one of his books I’ve read has been a deep and refreshing dive into my heart, mind and soul. This one was no exception. I’m going to take another look at it now that my kids are in their teens. Something tells me I’ll understand it much more now.

Here are a few quotes from the book that I found jotted down in an old word document. Enjoy!

One problem is that we are too child driven.  We spend too much money and time on child-oriented things that compete with the simple and profound appreciation we should feel for our child.  In turn, the money and time we spend dragging kids to tennis tournaments, music lessons, debate clubs, and a legion of other devilish opportunities fuels a child’s sense of entitlement and a parent’s feeling that his child is an excessive drain on energy, time, and money.  This sense leads to the attitude, “my kid owes me big-time”.

There has never been an era when parents have spent more time, money, and energy on pleasing their children.  And there has never been an era when children, in return, have shown their parents less respect, intimacy, and honour.

I know I must suffer, struggle, grow, and sometimes fail to mature. But when this reality shows itself to be just as true for my children, I can barely endure it.

Growing up, as opposed to merely growing old, compels us to embrace both joy and sorrow. To mature we must learn to suffer and not yield or turn hard. To mature we must also learn to engage joy and not demand that it hang around, nor fabricate a counterfeit when it departs. There are many other ways to maturity, perhaps, but they all dance to the music of sorrow and joy.

Becoming great parents is a learning process – it does not involve our following a list or rules.

We must let go of the myth that right influence guarantees the desired results, and we must discard our unswerving faith in the power of right principles to guarantee success.

Thank God for your children because they are the ones who grow you up into spiritual maturity.  Far more than being concerned about how to correct, or convert, or counsel your children, thank God for what your children are teaching you.  To the degree that your heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for your children, they will gain the core education they most need – the knowledge that they are truly loved, treasured, and delighted in.  Only a genuinely thankful parent can invest in his or her children the conviction that they are the focus of unconditional love.

What do you think? Does anything stand out to you?

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