What Happened?

The answer is more complicated than the question but let me open up the door here just a little.

The road that lead me here was a long one. A very long one. A decade is a long time. A dozen years is probably more like it.

There are those who suddenly (relatively speaking) wake up to unbelief and then move on. Not me, and I’m certain there are many others like me who took a very long time. Some of you are currently on the slow winding road that will eventually take you to the inevitable. You already know this is where you are headed but there is much to contend with and you need time. I understand. Take the time you need. When you finally get dizzy enough from all the circling back, your exit ramp will appear and you will know the time has come to take it. Until then, do what you must to keep your head on straight and survive in your context.

Photo by Ivan Bertolazzi on Pexels.com

What happened? Well, that could be the wrong question. It depends on what you mean. If by “what happened” you are assuming that something negative must have occurred to kick start all of this, then you’d be asking the wrong question. Don’t get me wrong. I fully understand where the question comes from, why you would ask it, and why you would assume that there must have been a negative event. While negative events can be part of what leads someone to no longer believe, it is not necessarily so. If by “what happened” you mean “when or how did this begin” then you’d be asking a better question.

For those who are deep in the christian faith, it can be difficult to comprehend that someone could “walk away”. It is often assumed that the person walking away from faith is doing so primarily for one of two reasons. Either, one, they are leaving because something negative happened or, two, they are leaving because they want to live in some form of sin. While these situations could very well happen. I would suggest that in most cases those two reasons are not in the mix.

It’s not that I’m mad or angry. There were times when I was mad and angry. There are many things about christianity that do make me mad and sad. Yes, some of these things are part of why I’m leaving. Someone didn’t look at me the wrong way and then I decided I’d had enough. People have done hurtful things but I’m not leaving because I am hurt.

I’m not leaving because I want to do bad things! The church might want you to think that because It’s easier to discredit those who walk away in order to discourage others from listening to them and perhaps taking interest in their story.

It’s ok to think about things differently. It’s hard to do, especially when you have the threat of hell hanging over your head.

What lead me here was a process. Asking questions. Seeking out answers. Observing. Listening. Asking more questions. Telling my brain to stop asking questions and just believe. Observing. Seeking out answers. Asking more questions. So on. This was on repeat for a while.

I do not look at Christianity and say, “I know this is true but I don’t want any of it!” No, I look at it and say “I no longer believe it to be true.” Do I have all the answers to life’s deepest questions? Nope. Have I arrived? Nope. Do I think it has nothing of interest? Nope, I don’t think that.

Throughout the entire process I kept coming back to the Bible and to the authors who were put forth by my christian tradition. When their reasoning no longer made sense and my questions kept coming, I would find other christian authors from other traditions who perhaps would have a “better” answer to offer. This lead me to opening up my theology and discovering how wide Christian thinking can be but it still fell short. The narrative is still mostly controlled by those who refuse to let go of ideas that simply don’t add up and are disastrous. The more progressive and open strands of christianity are way more appealing but it often feels like they are also just desperately hanging on to the tradition while trying to contend with reality.

In reading and listening to other voices I discovered some very thoughtful and grounded people who offered better responses to my questions.

Yes, the whole process included lots of prayer and asking God for guidance and help.

Yet, here we are!

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Somewhat skeptic and agnostic I continue to hold onto the hope that we can be better and work together toward making all things new.

6 thoughts on “What Happened?

  1. Interesting, I went threw something I think might be similar but came out with a different perspective then you did.
    Liked this quote” if you are person of faith, it’s ok to let your faith run wild with doubt questions and uncertainties… …. Either way, you will be the better for it.”
    I do believe that is true.

    Wish you all the luck in your journey of life, I do believe faith helps that journey but that’s just one journey man’s conclusion.
    Later old friend,

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    1. Hey salut Jonathan, thanks for the comment. I too like that quote šŸ™‚ I’m glad you are allowing your faith to do that even if we come out with different conclusions.

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  2. Many years ago, when God touched my heart in my early 20s, my heart and my mind were at odds. I needed many questions answered, mostly due to my science and skeptic background. As my questions were answered I wrote down the reasons for believing. And over the years, when doubt crept in, or I second guessed myself, I would look back on this list of reasons and facts, and would be reassured by the overwhelming evidence. My hope is that this list helps you and your readers.

    -The Bible passes the many bibliographical, internal and external tests https://www.biblicaltheology.com/Research/RhodesK01.html

    -The enormous amount of archaeological discoveries confirming the names and places in the Scriptures

    -All the fulfilled biblical prophecies including the rise/fall of major empires and over 300 concerning Christ Jesus

    -The Dead sea scrolls confirming both the reliability of the Scriptures and the validity of the fulfilled prophecies

    -Secular records/writings confirming the biblical history, names and places https://answersingenesis.org/jesus/

    -The writings of many skeptics/thinkers (many who did research to try to disprove Christianity and the resurrection and in their research found the evidence to be overwhelming and became believers) (eg. Josh McDowell, Lee Strobel, Nabeel Qreshi, David Wood, RC Sproul, Jonathan Sarfati, Timothy Keller, CS Lewis, Lew Wallace, Amir Tsarfati, Michael Licona)

    -Unity/coherence of Scriptures (over 40 different authors on 3 continents over 1500 years), yet the message remains the same (God’s love, patience, justice pointing to the Christ and accomplished in his coming)

    -The apostles (except for John) and many other witnesses died as martyrs (no one dies for a lie), evidence for the resurrection https://www.josh.org/resurrection-theories-debunked

    -The 300+ stories from different people groups all over the world of a universal flood and a large boat, and the
    geological studies confirming a great world-wide flood occurred https://answersingenesis.org/the-flood/global/worldwide-flood-evidence/

    -Oldest civilizations date from 3000BC, as are the oldest religions, written records, recorded history all confirm the Biblical timelines

    -The creation of a mini-Grand Canyon at Mount St. Helens in only a few years – it does not take millions of years for sediments to be laid down and a canyon to form, a catastrophic global flood can do all that and more https://answersingenesis.org/geology/catastrophism/

    -Access Research Network (Reason + Science + History) http://arn.org

    -The many problems with evolution https://answersingenesis.org/evolution/, and the evidences for a young universe
    https://answersingenesis.org/creation-vs-evolution/evidence-for-young-earth-creation/ https://creation.com/media-center

    -Evidence for Intelligent design, common design (e.g. eye), over-design, complex information systems, irreducible complexity (cell, flagellum, eye, knee, blood clot, circulatory system, arched foot) https://answersingenesis.org/intelligent-design/what-about-design-arguments-like-irreducible-complexity/

    -Evidence for God and the laws of nature, logic, reasoning https://answersingenesis.org/is-god-real/god-natural-law/

    -Near death experiences https://radio.focusonthefamily.ca/broadcasts/holding-on-to-the-hope-of-heaven

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    1. Thank-you Norman for taking the time to write. All of the points you bring up are very familiar to me as I once held onto them with various degrees of conviction. Today, however, I simply don’t think they hold as much water as I once did. My observations and experiences no longer point me in that direction.

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      1. Hi Georges, I would be interested in understanding your viewpoint further, would you mind sharing your observations and experiences? Thank you

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