Why I Still Believe Even When I Don't

When it comes to God(s), either there is one (or many) or there isn’t one or any. The tricky part is knowing for certain. In my about me page I quote something I once heard while going through a time of questioning my belief in God. The way this person positions the issue about whether or not God is exists is compelling to me. I like it primarily because it frames the question « does God exist » in a way that joins us all together in one thing we have in common regarding the non-existence or existence of a God (or Gods). Ignorance. We don’t know for certain. At least not in the same way I know I am presently typing this blog post or that it is snowing outside or that two of my teens just emerged from their bedroom.

We have ignorance in common and therefore an honest answer to the question of the existence of God or Gods should fall along the lines of (still quoting from what I heard a few years back), « I don’t know but I think not, » or « I don’t know but I believe so, » or « I don’t know, and I don’t care. » This is perhaps oversimplified but I really think it captures the essence and goes a long way toward bringing us together even if we don’t land on the same side of the answer. We all come to the question from a particular angle. We each have our story. Stories that have shaped us and influenced us in very real ways. It’s a beautiful thing really. Rather than fostering a « us vs them » approach it encourages openness and understanding of the other.

I know there are complexities here and that this question continues to be sliced and diced in many ways but we can still talk about it.

Today, my honest answer when anyone asks if I believe, or still believe, in the existence of God is that I do believe God exists although I am not certain of it. I’ve tried not to believe and even on those days where I am frustrated with Christianity (especially American Trumpian Christianity) and would like to toss it all away completely, I can’t. Even though I am ashamed of much of what passes as Christianity these days, I still can’t toss it away. There are many days when I honestly wish I could. I just can’t. I’m still left with many questions but that is true for all of us regardless of where we fall on the belief in God spectrum.

So what is it that keeps me coming back to believing God exists? What is it that keeps me holding on to Christianity and to the Jesus story in particular? Maybe I’m just crazy or maybe I’m just in tune with reality. I won’t poll you on that!

To be continued …

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