Every Couple’s Love/Hate Relationship With Intimacy (Part 1)

intimacy series picIf you’ve been in a relationship for any amount of time you know that intimacy doesn’t just happen. You know that simply being together does not guarantee intimacy. You probably have many stories to tell of moments when you felt distant from one another, maybe even somewhat disinterested. This distance in a relationship can happen over time but it can also happen overnight.

Intimacy is precious but it is difficult to cultivate and especially difficult to maintain. Even when we have experienced intimacy it does not promise to stay. It is always trying to get away. A couple must consistently pursue it, get its hands on it and embrace it. We need to watch over it carefully because it will seek to escape at the first window of opportunity. Like many precious things, it is also very fragile.

We desire intimacy but we also fear and hate it. We desire it because we want to be known as we are and intimacy gets us there. We desire it because it is beautiful and deep and heavenly. Yet, we also hate and fear it because of its complexity and its revelations.

Intimacy lures us in and then tries to keep us away. Today it fills us with joy and hope. Tomorrow it leaves us perplexed and discouraged. Intimacy does us good and does us harm.

Simply put, it’s complicated!

Intimacy must be pursued and cultivated in our relationships even though it does not allow itself to get caught easily. It needs to be cultivated even though it requires much effort to maintain. We need to commit to it even though it scares us because in the end, it will do us much more good than harm.

In this series of posts we will be exploring 9 keys to cultivating and maintaining intimacy.

To get started, here are a few questions you might want to discuss with your partner.

Regarding your desire:

  • How do we define intimacy?
  • Do we still desire to cultivate intimacy together or have we perhaps lost it along the way?
  • What do you want?
  • What would you like us to experience more together?

Regarding your reality:

  • What is our greatest obstacle?
  • What is my greatest obstacle?
  • What am I doing that hinders us in our desire to cultivate intimacy?
  • Can we identify a bad habit in our relationship that we need to admit and change?



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